The Self-Aware But Unchanging Leader
by Margie DuBois, CPC
April 1, 2026
We’ve all worked with that leader.
The one who says: “I know I interrupt people.”
Or, “I should probably attend our team gathering, but my schedule’s so busy.”
Or even, “I know I can get defensive.”
They’re reflective and often use the language of growth. Many of them even work year-round with coaches.
And yet…nothing actually changes.
The Paradox Most Organizations Miss
Most people assume that self-awareness is the goal of great leadership, but it’s not — it’s the starting point.
In fact, research from organizational psychologist and researcher, Tasha Eurich, found that 95 percent of people believe they are self-aware, but only about 10 to 15 percent actually are (Eurich, 2018, Harvard Business Review). And even among those who are self-aware, many still struggle to translate that awareness into different behavior.
This is where organizations get stuck, and where chronic culture challenges are created.
Being self-aware is not the same as being emotionally intelligent. Great leaders start with self-awareness and practice other skills that support behavior change in real time – especially when it’s uncomfortable, inconvenient, or challenges their identity.
The Real Issue: The Awareness-to-Action Gap
With the “self-aware but unchanging” leader, there is an emotional intelligence gap between two critical competencies:
Self-awareness: your ability to recognize what you’re feeling, thinking, and bringing into a moment
Self-management: The ability to regulate your reactions so you respond intentionally instead of impulsively
The unchanging leader has developed the first skill, but not the second. They can describe their behavior but do not change it enough to make a difference to their team. The same challenges usually come up in every performance conversation (if they happen). And over time, real consequences emerge.
The True Cost (and Why It’s So Pervasive)
When leaders name or acknowledge their limiting behaviors but do not change them, their teams and businesses take a hit:
An integrity gap grows — values are not practiced, and leaders are not held to the same standard they expect of others
Psychological safety decreases — people get quieter and stop raising concerns because it no longer feels safe to engage
Trust erodes — people stop believing that meaningful change will happen, and feel less confident in their leaders
Retention declines — top performers disengage and ultimately choose to leave
The business suffers — as culture deteriorates, performance declines and results impact the bottom line
And perhaps the most painful result: The culture adapts to the leader’s behavior instead of the leader evolving to meet the needs of their people and the business.
What Gets in the Way
The “self-aware but unchanging” character is a widespread workplace challenge because in most cases, these leaders are not held accountable. There are no real consequences for how they operate.
This can look like a CEO who isn’t being evaluated or challenged, or a manager whose behavior is negatively impacting others, but their supervisor avoids addressing it.
Underneath these scenarios is the human part of all of this: conflict avoidance, discomfort, and a reluctance to inconvenience ourselves in service of something better.
Over time, the message becomes clear: leaders know their impact and choose not to change it because of politics, privilege, or the culture of their workplace.
So when does the needle actually move?
The Solution: Accountability in Action
Real transformation happens when there is a shared responsibility between leaders — and those who hold them accountable — to make the change.
For the leaders, it’s the difference between noticing a pattern and making consistent efforts to interrupt it. In practice, it looks like this:
Awareness → Acknowledgment → Action → Accountability
Awareness: “I notice I interrupt people.”
Acknowledgment: “I understand how that impacts my team, and will take this seriously.”
Action: “I’m practicing pausing before I speak.”
Accountability: “Please call it out if I do it again.”
Accountability — especially for someone in a position of power — requires a willingness to check your ego at the door, get uncomfortable, and change how you operate. Especially when it’s inconvenient for you or don’t have to.
But it doesn’t stop with the individual leader. For the people responsible for holding leaders accountable, it requires an organizational commitment to accountability, supported by psychological safety and the right resources.
Businesses must create environments where people feel safe to give feedback, ask for support, and practice new skills. Because accountability without psychological safety creates fear. And psychological safety without accountability or learning creates stagnation.
High-performing organizations build cultures where people are expected to grow, and are willing to hold each other accountable to that growth. In the real world, this looks like:
Boards holding CEOs accountable — through clear expectations, meaningful evaluation, and honest feedback
CEOs and executive teams holding their leaders to high standards — not tolerating behaviors that undermine trust, culture, or performance
Leaders modeling behavior change themselves — demonstrating personal responsibility and a commitment to action
Organizations investing in learning and building systems of accountability — where performance conversations, training, and goal setting are consistently prioritized
At its best, these actions create something powerful: cultures where people don’t just talk about growth – they embrace it, hold each other to it, and celebrate their progress.
. . .
If you consider yourself a self-aware leader, here’s the question I often ask the teams I work with:
When was the last time your awareness led to a different choice?
Not a realization or reflection. A different behavior that had a positive impact.
Because your team doesn’t experience your awareness or intentions. They experience the impact of your actions.
If you’re seeing this pattern in yourself or your team, this is exactly the kind of work we build into our trainings, keynotes, and retreats.
Because reflection doesn’t transform culture. Behavior does. And at the end of the day, the strongest organizations are built by humans who deeply care about how their actions impact others, and lead the way with change.
