The Seven Habits of Confident Humans
by Margie DuBois, CPC
February 14, 2024
When you think about the concept of confidence, what comes to mind?
How would you define it?
And how might your life change if you became a more confident you?
Deep down, everyone wants to feel confident. We want to thrive in our relationships and careers, and find joy in our every day lives.
But the reality is, most people aren’t given the tools they need to gain confidence and tap into their full potential.
We live in a world of social media, comparison, and consumerism. We’re expected to go through the motions and magically become confident people. And when we don’t, we end up feeling stuck and defeated.
I believe that confidence - the amount of trust and love you have for yourself - is what actually helps people feel happy and fulfilled in their lives and careers.
Contrary to popular opinion, confidence is not a fixed attribute - it’s the outcome of the thoughts you think and the actions you take (Source). The more you practice it, the easier it gets, and the more you achieve.
Confident humans consistently demonstrate behavior that moves them in the direction they want to go. While there are many pathways for building confidence, here are seven habits that will help you become a more confident you.
1 - Maintain a growth mindset
People with growth mindsets believe their talents and abilities can be learned and improved through effort.
If you have a growth mindset, you stay curious and ask yourself how you can do better. You're self aware, open to feedback, and willing to try new things - even when they make you feel uncomfortable. You don't let failure derail you, and you aim for progress over perfection.
Conversely, if you have a fixed mindset, you believe your traits and circumstances are unchangeable over time. You're resistant to change and may ignore useful feedback from people who care about you.
All of us have areas of our lives (or situations) where we have fixed mindsets. It's one of the ways we protect our egos from getting hurt or feeling shame. And sometimes it's even a subconscious thing.
When you get really curious about where you can grow, it’s the first step to moving in a confident direction, and living the life of your dreams.
2 - Elevate and empower others
You know those people who you feel like are always competing with you, or are threatened by your success? Or the ones who consistently do more taking than giving, and want all the credit? Spoiler alert: those are not confident people.
People who feel good about themselves make intentional efforts to elevate others. They celebrate those around them and give praise freely - and they really mean it. When others are around them, they feel empowered to tap into their potential.
When you elevate someone else, you both rise together. To celebrate other people as often as you can.
3 - Practice your core values and leverage your strengths
Core values are the the individual beliefs you hold, and the things you deeply feel are important in your life.
Your strengths (or superpowers) are the things you're naturally good at and love to do.
Confident people know their values and strengths, and practice them on the regular. They know that living a life in alignment with their values and strengths is key to their happiness and fulfillment.
If you aren't clear on your values or the gifts you have to offer this world, it's harder to make decisions, achieve career satisfaction, build meaningful relationships, or know your purpose in life. So identify those core values and make sure you’re clear on what you’re good at.
4 - Take responsibility and ask for help
Confident humans are self-aware. They take full responsibility for their behavior, take action, and make the changes required to live their best lives. They care about how they are showing up and the impact they have on others.
Confident people aren't afraid to kindly call “B.S.” on themselves, ask for help, or take action when they're feeling stuck.
Responsibility can look like apologizing to your partner or child for hurting their feelings, seeking out a leadership coach to help you grow as a manager, asking others for meaningful feedback, or booking an appointment with a therapist.
Ultimately, responsibility is an outcome of courage, self-love, and vulnerability. It happens when you set your ego aside and decide that you - and the people you care about - are worth the investment.
5 - Embrace your imperfections and practice self-compassion
You've probably heard of self-compassion - the process of turning compassion inward. When you make mistakes, fail, or feel “less than,” self-compassion is making an intentional effort to be kind to yourself instead of being self-critical.
Most of us are great at being kind to others, but not so great at being kind to ourselves. In fact, we often have an easier time being critical of ourselves.
Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field of self-compassion, writes: “I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren’t more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent. They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be” (Source).
Self-compassion does not come naturally to most people - and yet it's key to living a happy life. According to the National Library of Medicine, greater levels of self-compassion are correlated with “increased feelings of happiness, optimism, curiosity and connectedness, as well as decreased anxiety, depression, rumination and fear of failure” (Source).
Confident people are vulnerable with others and practice self-compassion when the going gets tough. They take their growth seriously but don't take themselves too seriously. They can laugh at themselves (in a kind way) and course correct when needed. They're the type of people who say: "how human of me.”
6 - Value and prioritize your own needs
Sometimes we fall into the trap of giving a lot to other people, but very little to ourselves.
For many of us, this can be a subconscious or learned behavior. We also may genuinely love helping others because it brings us joy (hello to my fellow Enneagram 2's).
But when we spend too much energy prioritizing the needs of others and neglect our own needs, it can be a dangerous trap that impacts our confidence and wellbeing over time.
Confident people do not pour from an empty cup. They balance being of service to others and to themselves. They choose courage over comfort, have healthy boundaries, and say “no” to things that don't serve them.
Confident people prioritize their physical, mental, and emotional health. They manage their time in a way that brings them joy. And they believe that they deserve the love they so freely give to others.
7 - Celebrate your progress and the small wins
Celebration is an intentional effort to name the things in your life that are bringing you joy and moving you in the direction you want to go.
Celebration includes recognizing the big and small wins. Whether it's completing a nagging task on your to-do list, initiating a hard conversation, or going for a 10 minute walk, they are all worth celebrating.
Confident humans consistently celebrate their wins. They enjoy the process of climbing towards their goals, and observe their progress along the way. They believe that they are worth celebrating, and know that their small wins lead to bigger wins down the road.
If there is anything you do this week, take one minute to celebrate your progress and the person you’re becoming. You’ll be more likely to see more wins trickle in.
. . .
Confidence is not something you achieve and check off your list. You don’t just “arrive” and move along. It’s the result of practicing small habits that over time lead to big wins.
Confidence is like going to the gym to weight train week after week. The first day, you feel a bit sore and unsure about the journey ahead. But with time and consistent effort, you feel stronger and notice your muscles looking different. You celebrate the strength you’ve gained and make a conscious choice to keep on going to the gym in order to see more of the good results down the road.
Consider budgeting just 10 minutes today to practice one of these habits and see how you feel.
About This Feature
Coaching Nuggets is a standing editorial feature in The Thirlby Co. Monthly Digest written by our company founder, Margie (Thirlby) DuBois, along with occasional guest authors. Each nugget provides you with a quick read and resources to spark ideas and help you live your best life.
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